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| Tonight... I Fed.
The moon is bright tonight, illuminating the night in a dazzling spectacle of light and shadow. The clouds fly low... donning her in whisps of black lace. The light and darkness reflect through my eyes. I can feel it growing inside me... the energy.
It comes from deep within. It rises up and flows through me. I struggle to contain it, let alone control it. Who will be the next victim? | | |
| Have I had a "re-charge"?
I've recently returned from my one month vacation back home (to America).
The weather was great!
The clean air, the pre-spring thunderstorms, and the vampires.
I definitely needed it all. mentally... physically... emotionally...
When I got back to China, I promptly got sick.
I felt like "death" for more than a week. Then......
I got better.
I now have NO craving for physical food. All I feel is THIRST.
I made love to HER the other night like it was our first time. We clawed and tore at each other. She screamed so loud that I'm sure the neighbors heard.
I can't get enough! I need more! I need to drain everything around me until it crumbles into ash!
Is this it? Am I comming back? Am I re-awakening from a Winter's slumber?
I hope so! | | |
| It's been a while.
Has it been so long since I've posted to this journal? Has it been so long that I've sat and reflected on who (and what) I am?
Yes, I have been neglecting..... and, it's all because of.... a girl.
I haven't made one post here since I've met her.
How is it that I've been able to hold down a steady relationship for this long?
Is it because I've finally found what I'm looking for? Have I found the "Yang" to my "Yin"? Have I found my "center"? Is my circle finally complete?
I guess that only the future will tell. | | |
| I'm back!
It rained today. The overcast sky, the ionized air, the cool drops of rain on my face all brought back to me a feeling which I have not had in a long time. I felt it in me. It took over my senses and emotions. It grew until I couldn't contain it any longer. It was wonderful.
The full moon draws near. I can feel it. It grows stronger day by day. I can feel it in the air. I can feel it in my veins. I can feel it in the beating of my heart.
With every breath I take, I draw in the energy of life. I take it into me and it makes me stronger.
I again feel the world beyond sight. | | |
| Well, I did it.
About three weeks ago (or so), I started to go out every night and feed. It is something that I've needed to do for a long time. I would go out to bars and such after work and wouldn't get home until maybe 4:00 in the morning or later.
This behaviour seriously worried my "girlfriend", as she assumed that I was probably cheating on her or some such thing. So, I "came out" to her. I though that I didn't really have anything to loose. Could her reaction really be worse than thinking that I was cheating?
So, I sat down with her one evening and tried to explain everything the best that I could. I also gave her a folder full of papers from years ago when I was researching real-vampirizm for myself.
Things went well, at first. She tried really hard to understand. She asked lots of questions. She tried to accept me as I am.
About a week later, she came to the decision that she could accept my condition. She couldn't, however, accept my actions. She couldn't accept being alone every night, wondering where I was and if I was safe or not. She couldn't accept feeling jealous all the time at all of the attention that I get from women (and the fact that I liked it... and even FED upon it). And, she couldn't accept the fact that I CAN'T stop what I'm doing or it will seriously affect my health in a bad way.
I have to do what I do. I can't stop. I WON'T stop!
So, we mutually decided to separate.
3 days later, I picked up the next "girlfriend".
Should I tell her about what I am? Only when I want to get rid of her.
*** Notice that I use "quotation marks" with the word "girlfriend". This is because my idea of this relationship (at this time) differs from the traditional ideas. Right now, my idea of "girlfriend" denotes a relationship that is more significant than all of the others. This does not, however, denote a feeling of monogamy. Right now, the lines in my relationships are pretty fuzzy. Although, I am always honest to everyone in my ideas and intentions. And I don't cheat! | | |
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